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英语幽默

作者:刘欧    文章来源:网络    更新时间:2007/8/21
A New Employee
   Several weeks after a young woman had been hired, she was called into the personal director’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for the job,you told us you had five year’s experience.Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.”
  “Well,” the young woman said, “in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”
  一位新雇员
  一位刚被雇用了几个星期的雇员被叫到人事处长的办公室。处长问:“你这是什么意思?你申请工作时对我们说你已经有五年的工作经验,现在我们发现这是你的头一份工作。”
  “噢,”那位雇员答道,“你们的招聘广告上说你们需要有想像力的人才呀。”
  
  Avoiding Temptation
  One day, when I was walking along a main shopping thoroughfare in the city, a woman asked me, “Isn’t there a shop near here that sells imported perfume?”
  “Yes, there is,” I replied. “Go straight ahead and it’s the first shop after the intersection.”
  She thanked me and started off in the opposite direction.“Excuse me,”I called after her.“Didn’t you understand my explanation?”
  “Oh, yes,” she replied.“It’s just that I don’t want to go past the shop and be tempted.”
  避免诱惑
  一天,我来到市区的主要商业大街,一位女士问我:“附近有没有一家专门经营进口香水的商店?”
  我说:“有,你一直往前走,过了交叉路口,第一个商店就是。”
  她谢过我,便朝相反的方向走了,我忙在后边叫她:“小姐,难道你不明白我指的路吗?”
  她回答说:“明白了,我只不过不想路过那个商店,免得受诱惑。”
  
  Keys or kiss
  A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adults who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, “Give me the keys.” The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn’t heard him clearly, so he repeated. “Give me the keys.” The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher’s neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
  钥匙(keys)还是接吻(kiss)
  我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后,他请全班同学给他挑出尺子,书本,钢笔等。课进行得井然有序,学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣,也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生,我的朋友说:“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊,也有点手足无措。看到这种情况,我的朋友想他没有听清楚,于是又重复了一遍:“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着,他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。
  
  I Am Acting Like a Lady
  One day when women’s dresses were on sale at the Far East Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
  He stood it as long as he could; then, with his head lowered and his arms flailing, he plowed through the crowd.
  “You there!” challenged a thrill voice. “Can’t you act like a gentleman?”
  “Listen,” he said, “I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady.”
  我要表现得像位女士
  一天,远东百货公司的女装大甩卖,一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是,没过多久,他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
  他竭力忍耐着。后来,他低下头,挥动双臂,挤过人群。
  “你干嘛?”有人尖声叫道,“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗?”
  “听着,”他说,“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起,我要表现得象个女士。” ?
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英语幽默:https://www.ryedu.net/syy/yywh/200708/3891.html
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