★2006年高考英语 (湖南卷)作文题目
　　第二节 写作(满分25分)
　　请根据下面的英文短诗，展开适当的想象，写一篇短文。
　　
　　标题为：My Teacher Mr. Moore
　　 There's a teacher Mr. Moore,
　　 Who is lovely and thirty-four.
　　 Always encouraging us to try,
　　 He leads us to a world of 襴hy?
　　 We all admire him more and more.
　　
　　注意：
　　1．不得照抄短诗原文。 2．必须结合短诗的内容，发挥想象，适当展开。
　　3．必须突出短诗的主题，结构完整，语意连贯。
　　4．短文不能写成诗歌形式。 5．词数：120左右。
　　
　　学生习作：
　　Our teacher, Mr. Moore, who is thirty-four1. We all like him for his lovely looking2. Moreover3, we like the way he teaches us. He always encourages us to have a try and helps us build self-confidence.
　　As a result4, we were lead5 to a world of "why"6. With his help, we develop a habit of asking questions and solving problems.
　　In a word, Mr. Moore teaches us not only the study, but also the life attitude7. We are all proud of having such an English teacher and making friends with him8. So we all admire him more and more. We like learning more and more9.
　　
　　原文修改稿：
　　Our teacher, Mr. Moore, is thirty four years old. We all like him because he is good-looking and friendly. More importantly, we like the way he teaches. He always encourages us and helps us build self-confidence.
　　He led us into a world filled with wonders and helped us develop a habit of asking questions and solving problems.
　　Mr. Moore not only teaches us how to learn, but also a positive life attitude. We are all proud of having such an excellent English teacher and a great friend as well. As time passes, our admiration for him grows together with our interest in learning.
　　
　　整体点评：
　　要点：文章覆盖了所有要点内容。
　　结构：作者使用了一些复杂结构，如：not only... but also...、such...、with his help等，而且，也努力使句子之间的过渡自然、流畅。
　　词汇：作者使用了一些高级词汇，如：lead to、build self-confidence等，但是词汇的搭配和语法还存在错误。另外，有些连接词的使用不是很恰当。
　　
　　难点分析：
　　1、Our teacher 是主语，Mr. Moore和our teacher 是同位语，who is thirty-four是定语。因此，这不是一句完整的话。删除who。根据第一条要求：不得照抄短诗原文，需要把is thirty-four换一种方法表示，可以换成is thirty four years old。
　　2、Good-looking是形容词，其名词是good looks。另外，用lovely来形容成年男性的容貌是不太合适的。所以改成一个从句：...because he is good-looking and friendly.
　　3、Moreover是“而且，此外”的意思，用于补充说明。而more importantly能表达“进一步，比较重要”的意思，用在此处更恰当。
　　4、恰当地使用连接词可使文章逻辑清楚连贯，但如果只是为了使用而使用就会适得其反。这里，as a result就是一个不恰当的例子。从逻辑上看，前一段讲了老师外貌好、善良，培养我们的自信；这一段说教授给我们很多知识，鼓励我们问问题，是从另外一方面来赞扬老师，和前一段是并列关系，而不是因果关系。因此as a result多余。
　　5、此处为被动语态，lead应该用过去分词形式led。
　　6、Wonder作名词表示“令人惊奇羡慕的东西”，含有能够激发人们去学习、去弄明白的意思，用在这里比why更生动，而且a world of why在题目中曾经出现过，文中再次使用则违背了题中的第一条要求。
　　7、这里并不是总结性的话，因此in a word用在此处多余。再者，study虽然表示“学习”，但是英文中不这么用，“teach us not only the study”是中式英语，正确的表达是“not only teach us how to learn”。另外，我们每个人都有life attitude，本文的意思应该是“积极的生活态度”，所以改成positive life attitude。
　　8、Having such an English teacher和making friends with him不是并列结构，因此用and连接是错误的。这两个表达也不符合英语的表达习惯，改成"an excellent English teacher"和"a great friend"的并列。
　　9、这两句话要表达的意思是“所以我们都越来越钦佩他。我们也越来越喜欢学习了”，也就是说我们“对他的钦佩”和“对学习的喜欢程度”都与日俱增。这个地方应该使用grow, increase等表示“增加”的词汇。中学生喜欢滥用more and more这个词组，而用在此处并不恰当。
　　
　　【参考范文】
　　This poem demonstrates the full extent of my admiration for Mr. Moore1, my favorite teacher. At thirty-four, he is still a relatively young man, but he is very skillful in motivating his students. It is very rare for students to misbehave or not concentrate during his classes. Additionally2, he has a special knack for encouraging students to question the basis of everything they learn. This makes his classes exciting and our learning rewarding. In short3, my admiration for him is unsurpassed and is increasing as time goes by.

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