Who chokes up1) at sappy2) movies? Who gets so swept away by excitement that they leap to their feet and hug complete strangers? Who falls apart when a relationship ends? The surprising answer: men. Granted, the movie is likely to be Field of Dreams, the exuberance3) explodes in stadiums and the breakup may be their idea. However, new research reveals that a man’s emotional life is as complex and rich as a woman’s, but often remains a mystery to him as well as to any woman who loves him.
Although emotions have long been considered a female trademark, men report feelings as often as women and describe their experiences of emotion similarly. In an analysis of the emotional intelligence of 500,000 adults, men rated just as high in emotional awareness. Although both men and women sigh, cry, rejoice, rage, shout and pout4), the sexes process and express emotions differently.
Inside the Male Brain
Why are many men so emotionally clueless? Blame the male brain. “Men are hard-wired differently,” says David Powell, PhD, president of the International Center for Health Concerns, who explains that the connection between the left brain, home of logic, and the right, the seat of emotions, is much greater in women. “Women have the equivalent of an interstate5) highway, so they move readily between the right and left brains. For men the connection is like a meandering6) country lane7), so we don’t have such ready access to feelings.”
This may explain why, in 125 studies in various cultures, boys and men were consistently less accurate at interpreting unspoken messages in gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice. Men also react less intensely to emotions — and forget them faster.
The Crying Game
The first time that Robert Westover, 41, of Washington, D.C., saw his dad cry was the day he graduated from the same Marine Corps boot camp where his father and grandfather had trained. “A little tear ran down his cheek,” he says. “I was shocked.”Growing up in a military family with three brothers, Westover learned to eat fast, talk loud, compete ferociously8) and keep his feelings under guard. “Showing emotion,” he declares, “is a no-can-do among men.”
Boys learn this lesson early. By age one, they make less eye contact than girls and pay more attention to moving objects like cars than to human faces. Both mothers and fathers talk less about feelings (except anger) to sons than daughters, and boys?vocabularies include fewer “feeling” words. In the playground, if not at home, boys learn to choke back tears and show no fear. Their faces, once as openly emotional as those of girls, become less expressive as they move through the elementary school years.
As adults, men use fewer words, and they talk, at least in public, as a means of putting themselves in a one-up situation — unlike women, who talk to draw others closer. Even with friends, men mainly swap information as they talk shop, sports, cars, computers.
What lurks behind a man’s silent, stoical9) mask? Vulnerability. Most men, experts agree, are far more insecure than they like to admit, and than their wives ever guess. “Inside every man is a secret fear that he lacks competence and courage, that he’s not as manly as he should be,” says psychiatrist Mark Goulston, MD. “A man knows he is supposed to take a bullet for his family. A man knows he is supposed to fix whatever gets broken. When he’s feeling powerless, when everything he says seems to be the wrong thing, he shuts down and withdraws.”Guys, Try These
●Develop a creative outlet. Hobbies like painting or playing a musical instrument can tap into a man’s soul. Remember that much of the world’s greatest art, music and literature was created by the allegedly emotionally challenged sex.
●Release stress and anger through exercise. “When you get to the breaking point where you just want to put your head through a wall, taking a ten-minute time-out isn’t enough to calm down,” says Westover, who in moments of extreme emotion finds a place to drop to the floor and do push-ups10).
●Try expressing “a little?emotion. “Start with feelings you can control, find a sympathetic ear and use the term ‘a little?” suggests Coleman. Saying you feel “a little” sad or “a little” scared feels safer than a full declaration of vulnerability.
●Lean into the discomfort. “Rather than avoiding a feeling that you’ve not sure how to handle, move toward it,” says psychologist Travis Bradberry, PhD, “Learning to handle emotions takes time and practice because you need to retrain your brain, but it does get easier.”
谁在看愚蠢的电影时激动得说不出话？谁一兴奋就忘乎所以，跳起来拥抱素不相识的陌生人？谁在分手之际肝肠寸断？答案出乎意料：男人。果真如此，他们看的电影可能就是《梦幻成真》，激情爆发时就在露天体育场，而提出分手也许是他们的主意。然而新的研究表明，男人的感情生活与女人的一样复杂和丰富，不过这对男人以及爱他的女人而言常常是个谜。
尽管情感长期以来被认为是女性的专利，但男人倾诉感受的频率与女人一样，他们以类似的方式描述自己的情感经历。一项对50万成年人所做的情商分析表明，男人在情感意识方面评分也很高。尽管男人和女人都叹气、哭喊、高兴、愤怒、大叫和生气，但两性处理和表达情感的方式有所不同。
男性的脑部结构
为什么很多男人对情感毫无头绪呢？这都怪男性的大脑。“男人的神经机制有所不同，”国际健康关注中心的主席大卫·鲍威尔博士解释说，女人的左脑(即逻辑中枢)和右脑(即情感中枢)之间的联系比男人的更多。“女人大脑里相当于有条州际公路，所以能自如地在右脑与左脑之间切换；对于男人而言，这之间的联系就好比蜿蜒的乡间小路，所以我们没有现成的途径来获知情感。”
这或许解释了在不同文化环境下进行的125项研究中，男孩和男人为何在阐明手势、面部表情和语调等非言语类信息时准确率始终较低。男人对情感的反应也不甚强烈—并且忘起来更快。
哭泣游戏
现年41岁，身处华盛顿的罗伯特·韦斯托弗第一次看见父亲哭泣是在他从他父亲与祖父都曾受训过的海军军团基本训练营毕业的那一天。“些许泪水流过他的脸颊，”他说，“我受到了震撼。”成长在一个拥有3个兄弟的军人家庭，韦斯托弗学会了迅速用餐，大声说话，残忍地竞争以及牢牢地控制自己的感情。“表达情感，”他说道，“在男人中是不可能的事情。”
男孩很早就学习了这一课。他们1岁时与人的眼神接触就比女孩少，而将更多的注意力放在诸如汽车等移动物体上，而不是人的面孔。父母跟儿子谈有关感情(除生气以外)的问题要比跟女儿谈得少，包含在男孩词汇表中表示“感知”的词汇也不那么多。如果不是在家，就是在操场上，男孩都学着忍住眼泪以示无畏。男孩的面孔一度与女孩的一样感情外露，但是上小学以后就没那么富有表情了。
成年后，男性的言语简短，他们说话是为了让自己占上风(至少在公共场合如此)——这与女性有所不同，女人说话是为了拉近与别人的距离。即便与朋友们在一起，男人谈论起购物、体育、汽车、电脑时也主要是为了交流信息。
一个男人沉默坚忍的面孔后面隐藏着什么？脆弱。专家们认为，大多数男人缺乏安全感，其程度远比他们自己乐于承认的要深，也比他们的妻子所猜测到的要深。“每个男人的内心都有一种隐秘的恐惧感，他害怕自己缺乏能力和勇气，害怕自己的男子气概不足，”精神病学家马克·古斯顿医学博士如是说。“一个男人知道家里有事他得出面。一个男人知道什么坏了他都得修好。当他感到无能为力时，当他说什么都好像不对时，他就会闭口不言与退缩。”
男子汉们，不妨试一试以下方法
●开发一条创造性的发泄途径。像绘画或者乐器这样的业余爱好能够打开一个男人的心灵。别忘了，世界很多最伟大的艺术、音乐和文学作品都出自据说情感受到困扰的男性或女性。
●通过运动释放压力和愤怒。“当你达到极限想用头撞墙的时候，休息10分钟仍无法让自己冷静下来，”韦斯托弗说，他在情绪特别激动时就会找个地方趴下做俯卧撑。
● 试着表达“一点”情感。“开始表露你能控制的情绪，找一个能够倾诉的对象，使用‘一点’这个词，”科尔曼建议道。说自己感到有“一点”沮丧或者有“一点”害怕，这比直言不讳地说出弱点更有安全感。
●主动面对不适。“与其逃避你不确定该如何处理的感觉，不如面对它，”心理学者特拉维斯·布拉德贝里医学博士说。“学习处理情感需要时间和练习，因为你需要重新训练你的大脑，不过这的确会变得更容易。”
1. choke up：(因激动而)说不出话
2. sappy [5sApI] adj. 愚昧的，愚蠢的
3. exuberance [I^5zjU:bErEns] n. 生机勃勃的行为
4. pout [paut] v. 撅嘴，绷脸
5. interstate [7IntE(:)5steIt] adj. 州际的
6. meandering [mI5AndErIN] adj. 蜿蜒的
7. lane [leIn] n. (乡间)小路，狭窄的通道
8. ferociously [fE5rEuFEslI] adv. 野蛮地，残忍地
9. stoical [5stEuIkEl] adj. 坚忍的
10.push-up：n. [体] 俯卧撑
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Post By：2008-9-18 18:23:51
